kaleidoscope

it was a cathedral stained glass

kaleidoscope version of the truth

it was the devil in me / the angel in you

and perhaps

a piece of you wanted the ground to break beneath you a little bit

and all i wanted was for the earth to stay solid underneath me for once

and now it’s all ruins

and our ghosts still haunt sacred ground

past versions of our past selves still living in those mere

seconds

moments

hours

time is collapsing

waves were crashing

the train was screaming

and i was crying while the

door was closing

while i tried prying it open, white knuckled

i stared at the christmas lights on my bedroom floor that made me feel somewhat alive, like I was when I was young.

tell me, what do i do with all this love i have for you? unspent, it spoils me, rotting from the inside out, it turns into grief.

and all i want to do was to hold you close / closer / closer

I closed myself off

you closed yourself off

and so next time, i will hold love loosely, with open hands like when i used to worship in

that cathedral stained glass kaleidoscope version of the truth

i praised you

adored you

worshipped you

because in the end, when the world caves in, and you and i disappear in the explosion

all we have is what we gave away.